"Wiggers"

Urban Dictionary defines the term "wigger" as A male caucasion, usually born and raised in the suburbs that displays a strong desire to emulate African American Hip Hop culture and style through "Bling" fashion and generally accepted "thug life" guiding principles.  In simpler terms, its a lot like a "poser," and doesn't always have to be a white person who is trying to emulate another culture/lifestyle.  There is nothing more entertaining than watching an individual degrade themselves while trying their hardest to be someone they clearly aren't. To put it in perspective, take Brad "B-Rad" Gluckman from Malibu's Most Wanted for example.  "B-Rad," a spoiled white kid from Malibu, California, fancied himself black and even had aspirations to be an MC.  Fortunately, a harsh reality check led to his realization of his true pigment. 

Now, I introduce to you my top 5 most common annoying things to look from from a "Wigger."

1.  One moment, they're talking to their peers saying things like, "neat-o," "swell," "super" etc, and the next they're saying things like "dope," "tight," and the ever popular "word."

2. They braid their hair (think any girl you may have known coming home from the Bahamas... yeah.)

3.  They live by the words of "thug life" and constantly talk about their "struggle"-- which doesn't even remotely exist, mind you.

4. They can always be found on the basketball court.  Sucking at basketball. Additionally, they're always found wearing a white beater, for no reason.  Actually, the wife- beater is commonly complemented with jean shorts (or otherwise known as "jorts," a fashion no-no) and the beater always looks loose, like someone has been stretching it out.

And lastly, and most importantly at number 5.  The epic "facebook pic." You've all seen it-- you know, the one where they're posed, mean-mugging the camera, no evidence of a smile, both middle fingers up, to show how mad and hard they are.  After all, they all experience a common struggle. After that picture, however, they proceed to residing poolside at their local country club while sipping on exquisite strawberry daquoris, on the house. 

One-Word Answers

Yeah, no, maybe, k, nothing. These are the one-word answers that we all hate to hear. Especially when you are waiting for a reply and when you finally get it, its disappointing. Whether it is through text, over the phone, through email, or in person. These one-word answers tend to make their way into everyday conversations. Although it may seem impossible conversing with some people, there are some ways to avoid these irritating replies. 

1. Always gear the conversation towards them, most people like talking about themselves.

2.  Know the audience you are talking to. That way you know subjects to bring up to keep them interested.

3. Ask intriguing questions about them, which will lead to them giving a long response and possibly the same question back.

Parking In Two Spots

There is nothing more irritating in the mornings when you are in a rush. The last thing you want to do is  find a parking spot. When you finally find one, you realize that your car cannot fit. This is because the selfish person decided to just stay exactly the way they were originally placed--Which of course was in two spots. This scenario can occur anywhere from school to work and even shopping center parking lots. Even worse, it always seems to happen when you are in desperate need of a parking space. So to those who are too lazy to take an extra 34 seconds out of your life to re-adjust your parking job, take a taxi.

Bratty Kids

There are few things that annoy me or scare me more about the future of America than bratty kids like the one in this video. A little background on the video: Two brothers have a much younger brother that they were taking to run errands.  The brother in the passenger seat mentioned to the driver that they should have a race with another car immediately causing the younger brother to get worried.  Then the older brothers started to scare him by saying they were racing and that the cops were likely to come even though they were going the speed limit.  The younger brother then proceeded to freak out.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTwqRReKoxs

Why is a 9 year throwing a temper tantrum about anything regardless of what is happening to him?  100 years ago he'd be walking 3 miles in the snow to work a 15 hour day in a factory.  I doubt kids in those days were so sensitive that they started kicking and screaming when their brothers played a joke on them.  Also why is this kid such a wimp?  He was in the back seat- it's not like he was going to get into any trouble.  Where is his sense of adventure?  He's too busy crying to realize how badass it would be to tell his friends he was involved in a high speed car race.  Someone his age shouldn't be worried about consequences.  He should be the one trying to get his older brothers to race.  He, and and a large portion of the general youth population need to toughen up or they are going to be living with their parents for a long time.

Bathroom Etiquette

Every male needs to learn these certain set of rules on how to use a urinal, because recently I have noticed that these indirect rules have not been followed and it is really pissing me off!!

1. Never pee in a urinal next to another man when there are others vacant, like this!

2   Keep within a foot while doing your business, because if not this can lead to indecent exposure. Don't be this guy!

3.  Shut the fuck up! I don’t care about your life while I am peeing.

4.  If your pee looks like you haven’t had a sip of water in days, make sure you flush it! The next occupier will hate you if that backsplashes.

5.  Small drain does not like when trash is thrown at it, in retaliation it wont flush and pee will accumulate leaving a very particular stench in the bathroom.

6.  Wear closed toed shoes and pants because everyone hates that certain urinal that just splashes onto your waist down.

7.  Don’t make a noise when you break the seal! Its just weird and everyone around you will get uncomfortable.

8.  ALWAYS LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD!

9.  If others are around make sure you angle away from them to prevent them from looking (we all know that there are those certain few that want to sneak a peek).

10 Unless absolutely necessary, NEVER EVER use the short urinal.

Not All Reggae Sounds the Same

Do you want to know what really grinds my gears?  People who think all reggae music sounds the same. Clearly they have only listened to a very limited amount of songs, because reggae is one of the most diverse genres of music.  The genre boasts several sub-genres including: Roots Reggae, Dancehall, Modern American Reggae, Ska, and Reggae-Fusion.  These sub-genres have sub genres themselves that create even more diversity within the umbrella term Reggae.  Let’s go through several examples to prove this point. 

We’ll start with Bob Marley.  These two songs both are considered roots reggae, but notice they are not very similar:

            “Iron Lion Zion”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVNqV2i_szw

            “Could You Be Loved”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4yCCr_CpwE

Notice the use of different instruments.  Iron Lion Zion makes use of different horn instruments influenced by American Jazz.  There is a faster paced rock influence that ends in repetitive crescendo like much of 70s rock music.  Could You Be Loved was intended for the American black audience.  It has heavy funk influences and bass groove that was popular with black audiences of the time.  Both have the roots influence of having a distinctive upbeat that is essential to reggae.

Now let’s look at another roots reggae icon, Peter Tosh.  As the former guitarist of Bob Marley, you would think that they would be similar, but they really are not.  Notice that the instrumentation has a more ska-pop feel and the organ plays a part as a major instrument.  Here is his hit “Wanted Dread And Alive.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlfQVvsNLFk 

Still in the same genre of 70s roots reggae is Toots & The Maytals.  Notice how  the song is carried by vocals, and the vast difference in instrumentation from the other two.  This has much more of a “sit around the camp fire” feel and more of an African influence.  This is one of their more well-known songs “54-46.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMpSBeqGX2E&feature=fvst 

American Modern Reggae has much more of a rock influence that only loosely resembles roots reggae. Passafire is at the forefront of this movement.  They are heavily influenced by rock and use live effects to keep their songs interesting and original.  This is their song "Kilo"

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kz3OWOgUcsU

SOJA is also a modern reggae band that sounds nothing like Passafire.  They have more of a roots influence, but still have a distinctive sound.  Notice the use of the piano and the distortion and wah-effect of the lead guitar.  This is their most popular song “You Don’t Know Me”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pE5XuF_CB90

Not one these songs sound any more alike than any rock or pop song.  Reggae is a diverse genre that boasts significant musical talent and is popular all over the world.

Dirty Coughers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCg3ECOPa-A

Nothing pisses me off more than people coughing on me. Especially when people have that disgusting flem, go cough in your arm or something not intruding on others. My friends say I am a germaphobe, but fuck that I just hate being sick. It is people like in the video that need to learn a little lesson about proper etiquette. I hope he learns the hard way one day and gets stuck in the face. Karmas a bitch. That will keep him out of commission just as he did to all those people he got sick. So next time you are sick, do people like me a favor and PLEASE COVER YOUR MOUTH.